Darn, if only Google maps said whether the neighborhood was “good” or “bad.” Guess, y’all will need to rent an economy car to drive to the scary city. I heard the “ding” fairy visits “bad” neighborhoods and leaves it marks on nicely kept, fancy cars. Good golly!

Pet peeve #823: When individuals who teach the youth of America have personalized plates announcing their profession, but misspell the words.

I TEECH EM
EDUKATR
TEACHUR 7

I never knew Wes Craven went to Wheaton College. The Wheaton College here in Illinois, that is. Huh. So it seems that a person not only can learn from their own mistakes, but also from those committed by established news persons for network stations.

Some other things I have learned:

• Do not iron a piece of clothing on a glass tabletop.
• Do not mess around with a guy leaning against the glass tabletop on which ironing occurred.
• Use care when reading by candlelight, especially when the candle is sitting on a book that is resting on the bed on which you are lying.
• Put the antenna down on your car when going through a $3 car wash.
• Seriously, save that document after writing some lines of brilliance - or crap - because auto-save may not kick-in at the right time.
• Pop cans explode in the trunk of a car on both very hot and very cold days. Remember this and the fear that someone is shooting at you on the I290 will be lessened (somewhat, depending on where and at what time the driving on the 290 is being conducted).

Final tomorrow = wasted time on random thoughts today.

Random thought I: I think Santa Claus may be a vampire with a soul. Hence the immortality. He spends the year living off the blood of others, so attempts to make amends by giving gifts to the kids of the world. It makes sense.

Random Thought II: It would suck If I was invisible and hopped on a plane for Australia, noting a free seat after invisibly sneaking a peak at the manifest, but it turns out there isn’t a free seat and I end up having to stand for most of the trip other then grabbing periodic, brief stints of sitting on the aisle floor.

Random thought III: I foresee someone in my future with two first names, or two last names or perhaps a name typically associated as a surname followed by a name typically considered a first, such as Kennedy James. Even better seeing as it’s comprised of an androgynous name.

Random Thought IV: I never found the story shocking regarding the “man” who is pregnant. I figured he had been a woman at birth. Not shocking as it wasn’t a natural anomaly. The story is simply a tale of a woman who wanted to have her cake and eat it, too. “Yes, I want to be a man, but I also want to give birth someday, so please give me a penis, but be sure to keep my reproductive organs intact. I deserve that, do I not? Don’t I deserve the right to be a man who can both create a fetus using my own eggs and then carry it within my womb as a male?”

Random Thought V: People who sleep with fans are cool. I really love my fan.

I am thinking of following Al Gore’s example and…drop out of law school.

I saw a clip from SNL with Christopher Walken: “Meet the Walkens*.” Kristen Wiig’s impression was quite bad as was Kenan Thompson’s - the guy who reminds me of an AA CP.

I tried to mimic Christopher Walken’s speech pattern while driving today. I was not able to do so.

I seem to think I can do some things which, in fact, I most definitely prove incapable of doing.

Like the time I was watching men’s floor exercises during the summer Olympics and thought it didn’t seem hard to do that trick where they lift themselves off the ground and spin their legs around while lifting one hand off the ground at a time. Sure, I could never do it with the speed and precision as the Olympians, but I thought I could at least accomplish the basic act of pulling my legs around my body. In actuality, I was not even able to lift my entire body off the ground while sitting with my legs extended. I could do it from a crossed-leg position, but that full leg extension caused me some trouble. In retrospect, I realize I may have been under the effect of my friend, the self-induced delusion of grandeur.

Some classmate’s were watching something on a computer today and I overheard this comment:

“The hardest thing about roller-blading is telling your parent’s you’re gay.”

-Source unknown

The fact is my personality is not lawyer-like in the least. I belong in a log cabin in a secluded, mountainous area near the coast writing and daydreaming. TV, Internet, books and magazines. Very simple and very simply.

It annoys me when my research prof. continues to say “computers are dumb.” No, they are not dumb. They do what they are told. Humans code the programs. If the code is flawed, the computer will simply show the error of the humans who wrote the code. Sure, we know what we mean when we build a search string, but the computer is not a mind reader. I could also tell some librarian, perhaps a legal librarian, what I want to find and they may, too, not produce the exact results I intended. So then is the librarian dumb as well? And why I do seem to be taking this so personally, a human, and not some “virtual valerie?” She seems to be pushing my buttons, and they just may be the colon and opening parentheses ones

Google-ish girl.

Up Next: A discussion of the point at which a bitchy mood becomes just plain, old bitchy period.

* It’s not outrageously funny, but not bad. Mr. Walken obviously didn’t bother memorizing his lines or his memory has been compromised for various reasons. The placement of the cue cards also helped contribute to the obviousness that he was reading his lines; it’s kind of distracting as a television viewer.