Thank you Local H for “California Songs” made me smile. So funny and so true. If I grew up on another continent, yet watched American TV and read American novels and yes, listed to American music, I would believe the U.S. was comprised of two states: California and New York. Possibly, Florida, with its Miami courting celebrities and vices like it just withdrew from a nunnery. But the rest of the country may as well exist as filler land whose content verges on the uninspired and incidental.

Granted, I have visited Northern and Central California a few times and find the territory quite amazing and beautiful, but can’t inspiration come from lands maybe not so traditionally beautiful (California) or inhabited (New York)? Speaking of New York, they have bestowed upon themselves the title, “Greatest city in the world.” I hear this repeatedly and I wonder, has New York visited every city in the world and feels qualified to make the claim that they are in fact the greatest city of all? Has their mirror-on-the-wall simply confirmed their myopic view? Is this possibly how people from other countries view Americans as a whole — smug and arrogant? Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing?

Perhaps he had picked up some American magazine to familiarize himself with the culture and discovered that people were hooking up in the produce section of the local Whole Foods en masse. Grocery stores always seem to make the list of top ten places to meet “singles” and I always considered the idea as impractical nonsense. One of those lame ideas often generated by content-starving magazines, “wear mittens on your hand while sleeping for soft hands in the AM”, “use the local mall as a personal race-walking circuit”. Please, take the bicycle-short wearing, race-walking outside. (I hear it’s now an Olympic event.)

So when he first made a comment about the store having “good fruit” I shook my head up and down, “oh, yeah, very good”. Truth being told, I did not quite understand what he said so I opted for the standard “didn’t hear you” affirmative response: an emphatic head nod accompanied by the closed mouth smile. It seemed the right way to go.

I sauntered over to the deli section and quickly forgot about the man and his mumbled words. I only had four dollars to spare and needed to spend it wisely. As I mulled between the sesame sticks at $3.69 a pound and licorice snaps at $3.29, I glanced over to my left as I felt eyes upon me. Yep, the fruit guy looking my way. He quickly averted my gaze and I felt annoyed — please let me scoop my bulk bin candy in peace.

Having made my food selections, I start walking towards the back of the store. As I turn a corner, “fruit” approaches me. I stop and he asks me to go get coffee with him. My mind races as I think of how to kindly turn him down. He caught me off-guard and unprepared. My tendency towards introspection comes across as aloofness, some may say even cold, bitter bitchiness, so invitations from strangers don’t often come my way. I decided to lie. I told him I was sorry, but already in a serious relationship. He countered with, “I hope not too serious.” And I laughed, “I hope for sake he thinks its serious.” I meant for it to sound like I really wanted my fake boyfriend to consider our relationship as one of seriousness, but he appeared to not understand my implication. Actually, he seemed stunned by my “no”.

He left and I must admit I felt no flattery by the invitation. Rather, I felt a bit mystified and slightly put out. I reviewed my actions and can attest my behavior showed little-to-no interest in him. Did I give off a vibe of desperation? I pondered this as I pulled up the strap of my water bra and thought, no, how could I come across as desperate? I freed up my ankle bracelet which was caught up behind the heel of my four-inch heels and thought, “No, I’m not the desperate type”.