A new show premiered after The Simpsons titled The War at Home.

Initial Impression: “That’s some laugh track they got going on there.”
Closing Comments: Couldn’t endure more than five minutes of the clichéd familial jokes and obviousness of the added-in laughter.

The Internet makes available so many self-assessments, it’s a cerebral fix for the egocentric junkie: A quiz for me? A test about me? Oh-my-god that is sooooo me! Ummm, that’s not really me, I better take it again.

So in my constant and eternal career dissatisfaction, I began a journey of career-related self-assessment. Most free tests I found, I took. Emode.com has several related to many different areas, not just careers. But the site requires a fee in order to view the complete analysis of one’s test-taking results and, well, I hadn’t planned on paying tolls while on this learning trip.

So off I go, in search of more free tests. Similarminds.com makes available several different personality-type tests and then offer up some “favored” careers, as well as disfavored jobs. Many of these test are based on Jung’s typology theory and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®, which is itself a registered tool, therefore, these tests are not official MBTI assessments. It seems “assassin” may prove a suitable career for me. But it also seems my test results differ frequently and that I tend not to test too highly in an one area, except for the “I” as in introverted and I surely did not need a test to tell me this fact. Am I truly that median, that middle-of-the-road, that mediocre? Hmm, it seems one of my tests resulted in an INTP, and it has been said of this type “. . . the quintessential Jacks (or Janes) of all trades and masters of none” (Kroeger and Thuesen, _Type Talk_, p. 246). N-i-i-ice. But I also tested as an INTJ, INFJ, INFP, ISTJ…

I figured it was time to move on, as my straddling the middle ground during these assessments grew wearisome.

In the spirit of free and self-oriented, I heard an eHarmony.com radio ad offering its comprehensive personality profile for free. A supposed $40 value. The site uses this profile to then match its clients based on profile results. Once you pay money, that is, and remember, expending cash wasn’t included in this strategic plan. But please note, I am not interested in meeting anyone via the Internet. Seriously. I like to see the goods first and then sample.

And complete the test I did. Guess what the site, a match-making site which takes MONEY from match-seekers, told me? “Sorry, but you don’t qualify for eHarmony at this time.” Or something to that effect. Rejected by an online dating service? Please, feel free to use this to boost your own egos, morales. I honestly and truly was turned down by this Internet company who, had they approved me, would have required monetary compensation. I guess the odds of matching me up seemed so slim, they decided they didn’t need my money. I suppose this can speak for the integrity of the site, I suppose.

But this didn’t stop me on my quest to take all the online tests I could find. I still haven’t decided on the best career for me and I remain unclear on my Meyers-Brigg type, but I did learn a few things:

A). I am cheap.
B). I tend towards mediocrity.
C). Even if I were willing to part with cash (see A.), eHarmony refused to accept my money to pair me up with their Internet- masked desperado’s.

Very n-i-i-ice.

Not a fan of loud noise, traffic, heat. Therefore, not a fan of traffic. Travelling eastward seems to frustrate me more than traversing in other directions, but it’s the city that causes the anxiety. I find the thought of living, commuting, simply existing inside the city smothering. But it’s just the thought, my perception, not always the actual experience. I see the map of the city in my mind, I see the boundaries and when inside the boundaries I feel stifled, trapped.

So, when driving into the city the other day, I do not need to hear that rum commercial. The one where the guy with the Jamaican accent says repeatedly, “Daisy or Maisy. Daisy or Maisy.” I sensed I was channeling Michael Douglas in Falling Down when I bashed my hand against the radio buttons to turn the station. I find the commercial so annoying, that it practically drives me to drink… the very rum it’s advertising. I would say good job, ad guys, but I still can’t recall the actual brand.