Wait, is VJF about to write something along the lines of “kids say the darnedest things”? She actually thought a kid said something cute and is going to put it in a blog? Place it on the Internet like all those crazy mommies obsessing over their kids as if their kid is some Seinfeld-esque comic prodigy spouting humorous observations about poop and pee-pee? Yes, I am, but it’s good ; I’m part of the story.

So my niece and I are watching the live-action Scooby Doo movie with Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It’s boring, it sucks, so I have my laptop computer to entertain me. At one point I feel like I should pay a bit of attention to the movie and engage my niece with some sort of comment or question. I had already pulled out the handy fact That Freddie (Prinze) and Daphne (Gellar) were married in real life. Great, get her started on the road to Teen People before she’s in first grade.

The next scene I focused on happened to feature a cameo by Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray fame and current host of one of those entertainment tv-magazine type shows. So I say, “I kind of like him. His name is Mark McGrath in real-life”. Then I feel I need to expound lest she thinks I am all about liking people for their looks. That would be a bad example and the bachelor aunt needs to set good examples. “He seems to have a good sense of humor, appears fairly bright , not a genius, but smart enough (he was a “Rock ‘n’ Roll Jeopardy” champion), is somewhat of a musician, so probably has a sensitive side…” I trail off as it appears the niece could give a shit about his qualities. Hey, she’s 5 and 11/12 so what she sees plays a big part in her thought-process when bachelor* aunt says “I like him.”

Niece says, “Where does he live?”

“California”.

“You know what I think?” she asked

“No, what do you think.”

“Well, I think…” she said dramatically drawing out the words, “I think you and I should go to California so you can date him.” She says this enthusiastically, with a wave of her hand, and with great pride for having reached a solution which will surely solve my problems.

To myself I think, man, is that not too f’ing cute or what? Seriously. But being ms. logic and reason I respond, “Well, it doesn’t really work that way.”

“Why not?”

I start by giving same lame answer about celebrities wanting to date other famous people but she had already moved the subject on to her boyfriend and how she wanted to invite classmates to her birthday party so they could meet her boyfriend. Thanks for rubbing that in little girl

P.S. Hi JM!

*I realize bachelor means an unmarried man, but I refuse to use the belittling term bachelorette. I learned in a linguistics and psychology class how diminutive suffixes serve to subtly oppress women. Think about it, a little kitchen is a kitchenette, a small dining room table is a dinette. Bachelorette, pshaw, not only does it demean but the definition from dictionary.com says it means “an unmarried young woman”. Say what? The definition for “bachelor” doesn’t say an “an unmarried young man”.