Unfortunately, my espresso “treats” have become a full blown habit. I knew it was bad when during the snowstorm a few weeks ago I was craving a drink so strongly I ventured through unplowed streets to get my fix. When I took my first sip, I practically went “ahhhh” as if I was acting in some cheesy commercial for hemorrhoid cream or “Head-On- apply directly to the forehead.”

So yesterday I visited Starbucks to drink and read. She rings me up, I notice the price increase and silently wish Caribou had better ambiance since it is $0.20 cheaper, and am presented with a crazy-long receipt. The S-bux woman says, “Whoa, a super-duper, special receipt.” I wasn’t in a joke-y mood, so just went “hmm” as I just thought it was a register glitch. Big deal, a long receipt, no need for humor. But the woman explains that it is a special receipt and that is why I had not probably seen one before. It is an invitation for me to take a survey and enter a contest to win $1000. I take it with the plan that I will enter the survey with the hopes that maybe they will send me coupons for drinks or what have you.

The thing about this receipt, though, is that Starbucks truly does consider this a “super duper special receipt” as all of a sudden I turned into “special customer number one”.

“What you ask?” An extra shot of espresso (making it four) in my drink? “Sure! I’ll take that extra shot of espresso?” “No, that’s ok, there’s nothing else you can do for me right now.”

Then, an hour so or later when I am leaving, a barista yells out to me a thanks for coming and recommendation “to have a great day.” Sweet, yes? We’ll see.

Later that day I visit the Starbucks’ Survey site, enter my special code which grants me privileged access, and take the survey. The employees were nice, weren’t they b.Smirk? Sure they were nice, but I believe much of the kindness was driven by their awareness that I had acquired that “special receipt.” Therefore, I felt I should point out to Starbucks that I value sincerity over most things, so I viewed their extra attention as somewhat “false”. How bitchy, b.Smirk. I realize it is somewhat ridiculous, but I would have preferred the “regular” treatment I receive, which is typically decent, over the sycophantic service.

Online surveys: enabling passive-aggressives to passively aggress.

Prediction: Someone I know will be impregnated during June or July. I really think so…

Coming soon… A short story of a short-ish girl and her mid-first-decade-of-life crisis surrounding the thought she may be a “little person”*.

Inspired by this article: Little People Rob Sweden’s Buses which came to me via CP. I recommend taking a close look at the image in the article posted above. Note the caption. I repeat, please note the caption in the article listed and hyperlinked above.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who contacted me to make sure I was okay. I greatly appreciate everyone’s concern.

A shout out to Erika who went to the trouble to ask MI about me. Very kind, but not unexpected as she and her husband are two very nice people.

Thanks you all - you’re good people.

Dear MI aka MF,

Whenever I now see George Lopez, even if it’s simply the title of his show - “George Lopez” - in the rolling Comcast listings, I think of you…

Happy Valentine’s Day,

b.Smirk (VJF)

MI sent this to me today. It made my day

Funny Story 1

Facts:

• Jimmy Kimmel, a late night television host, began closing out his show with an apology to Matt Damon saying that they had ran out of time and would not be able to chat with him. “Our apologies to Matt Damon, but we ran out of time today…”
• This gag went on for a year or so.
• During a red carpet event before the Oscars The Kimmy Kimmel show’s “guy” at the event ran into Matt Damon and as soon as the interview began, the correspondent abruptly cut Damon off saying that they had run out of time.
• Last week was Jimmy Kimmel’s fifth year anniversary show.
• Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel’s gf of 5 years appeared, and brought the below video saying she had “made something for him” and had something to “tell him”.
• I think it’s funny.

Procedural Postures: Varied from being in the kitchen, on the floor, in the car, to a towel by the door.

Outcome:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnVJZkDuVBM&feature=related

Matt - adore a guy with a sense of humor. Picture coming home from a bad day all crabby and bitchy. Matt Damon says something and then smiles with that smile…

Funny Story 2
Facts:

• I noticed on Saturday the price of I Can’t Believe its Not Butter butter spray reached an all-time high of $2.99.

• So upset, I called and left a message for Jennifer, Craig, and Madeline to inform them of this recent, crushing, price increase.
• Not hearing from JAF in a few days, even after leaving a few messages on her birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER!), I left another message asking her if something was wrong.
• She responded that she, too, was so upset by the price of the butter spray that she had been unable to return my messages.

* Excellent word creation if I may say so myself.